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Submission

"Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's Will. Then you will receive all that He has promised."
Hebrews 10:36

Still euphoric from running with such a good time Thursday evening, I decided to go for another jog Friday night. I had to jog for two eight-minute increments and I only made it halfway. I was tired when I left the house, so maybe my expectations were already too low to make it through. But, instead of beating myself up, I told myself this:

"There will be good runs and bad runs, but what matters is that you ran."

I have to remind myself of this in every day life as well. There are going to be good days and bad days, but what matters is that I continue to seek the Lord. Even if I fail, because I will. I should never take my eyes off of God. 

This morning, I had a chance to redeem myself because I was instructed to run two miles, or 20 minutes, with no walking! As I completed my warm-up walk, I prayed that God would give me the strength to push through. The longest I've ever run without walking is eight minutes! There is a huge difference between eight minutes and 20! I already knew my pace wasn't fast enough to run two miles in 20 minutes, but I was determined to run the entire 20 minutes without walking. But, in order to do that, I had to focus my attention on a conversation with God, a conversation in no way related to running. 

(I know that may seem strange, but the more I think about how hard it is to run, the harder it is for me to finish. So if I focus my mind on other things in prayer, I find jogging becomes much easier.)

This morning, God laid on my heart to pray for my role in my marriage. I'm a little surprised that I haven't felt this pull in prayer before now, but I know God knows the perfect time to lay something on someone's heart. To be honest, I think it was because I pray the hardest when I'm actually running, not walking, and this morning was my longest run yet.

(If you're wondering, yes! I did run the full 20 minutes without stopping! It wasn't easy and my pace was terrible, but I did it! Praise Jesus, hallelujah!) 

I read this recently in Romans 7:14-15, "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate."

The truth is, I know what my role should be in my marriage. I know I'm supposed to step back and let my husband be the leader. I know I'm supposed to be submissive in love and take care of my husband's physical needs. These are all things I know, but I still fail to do them regularly. 

I had a hard time with relationships in my younger years and allowed guys to walk all over me. I found my self-worth in the attention of the opposite sex and was so belittled and abused that now I'm afraid to not be stubborn and defensive. In no way, shape, or form has my husband ever treated me in such a way, but after years of believing I wasn't good enough and allowing myself to be treated with disrespect, it's my natural instinct to, in my mind, "protect" myself. My husband has had to pay for mistakes he never made and I convinced myself over the years that it was normal for me to feel this way. It's not.

So I begged the Lord in prayer this morning to give me the desire to change. The desire to break down my defenses, to release my grip on control, and to give my husband the wife he deserves. I pleaded with God to change my identity from victim to virtuous woman. I want to speak words of honor and respect to my husband and be his biggest supporter, not his biggest enemy. 

I haven't worked hard at changing because I haven't wanted to change. I haven't wanted to change because the natural reactions I have come easier than doing what's right. But luckily, God has an answer for that problem. 

Romans 7:24-25, "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how is is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."

Because of my nature, I can never change on my own. But the Lord can change my will, and as a result, my marriage. 

So I leave you with this verse of the day, Hebrews 10:36, "Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's Will. Then you will receive all that He has promised."

If I have patient endurance in my marriage, I will receive the blessings God has in store for us.

If I have patient endurance in my running, I will receive the blessings God has in store for me.

That's some wonderful encouragement. And by the way, the sermon this morning was on the wife's role in her marriage. That's God speaking right there!


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