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Heart Talk

"But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears."
Psalm 18:6

We had a fun, busy weekend. It was so busy that I didn't get a chance to run on Saturday. But, I did have the chance to spend quality time with my kids and husband, and sometimes I need that more than a jog! Even in the middle of half-marathon training! 

After dinner tonight, I went for a 30-minute "maintenance" run. I usually try to do around 2 or 2.5 miles on my weekday runs, but I did 3.2 tonight. It wasn't nearly as hot, so I enjoyed going a little further than usual. Maybe this means I'm slowly making progress!

As I jogged, I reflected a little on how far I've come in the last four months. To be honest, I'm pretty excited that I haven't quit by now. Usually when I take a "week off" from something, I end up giving it up completely. Although my upcoming 5k and two half-marathons probably have a lot to do with me pushing forward, I'd like to think that I have some determination hidden inside as well. 

Sometimes I'm tempted to just "give up" when it comes to my relationship with God. There are those weeks when it seems like I'm totally in tune with the Holy Spirit and I can almost visibly see God's presence in my life. Then I have a bad day or two and I feel like I'm lost with no way back. I go through the motions and my heart isn't in it. Those are the times I have to beg God to help me desire Him once again.

So often in life I just have to let my heart do the talking. I can't find the words to say to God, so I just sit in His Presence and open up my heart. The Lord knows my every thought, wish, and problem. I truly believe that I distract myself by trying to come up with the "perfect" thing to say. I forget that I don't need to impress God. He already knows what I need. He just wants me to bring it to Him. 

Psalm 18:6 reminds me of a song we've been singing a lot lately, "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United. Although the verse may speak of verbally crying out, I think of my heart crying out. Maybe I will be less tempted to "give up" if I start pursuing God with my heart, instead of my words.

No one wants to admit when they have a heart problem. We say things to make ourselves feel or look better, but we can't hide what's in our heart. Even if we make our prayers "sound" good to God, or others, they don't change the underlying problem inside. From now on, I want to just open my heart to the Lord and let Him fix the things that really need work. I know He's tired of me trying to convince Him that I'm someone I'm not. 

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